The Problem With Divinity
by Stony Knight
Summary: Sometimes all is not well in the Elysian Fields for Alexander and Hephaestion.


**Story Title:** The Problem with Divinity

**Summary:** Sometimes all is not well in the Elysian Fields for Alexander and Hephaestion.

**A/N:** I haven't put as much research into this as I would have liked, but I really couldn't stand putting off this little story any longer. So I'll admit that there are probably plenty of things wrong with it and plenty of things I could have/should have added, but this is what you get for the time being.

**Warnings:** Lots of talk of sex but no actual smut.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters in this little story. I'm just borrowing them to torture them for a little while.

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Hephaestion gave a pleased moan as Alexander nipped and kissed his way down his beloved general's neck. The golden king's hands were working their magic along his lover's spine and hips as well while Hephaestion repaid the pleasure to Alexander's powerful thighs. Their united passion was building rapidly as the sun slowly climbed into the clear skies, and the pair planned on spending the entire day engaged in renewing their love through physical intimacy. It had been awhile since the everlasting pair had chosen to enjoy each other like this.

"_All hail the Great Alexander! May his spirit reign over our fate and our endeavors!"_

Alexander and Hephaestion both let out annoyed groans as the chanting started. The general glared at his lover's golden mane as the king turned to stare at the room's doorway in sorrow. For Alexander the mood was completely broken now.

"Maybe it's only a morning ceremony," Hephaestion whispered before running his tongue along the sensitive skin below his lover's ear.

"_All hail the Great Alexander! May all great warriors pay him homage!"_

The general attacked his king's neck in earnest, hoping to distract him away from the continued chanting. Hephaestion refused to give up on their day's planned activities without a fight. Alexander, however, pushed him away as the sound of the voices echoed around them. With a huff, the handsome general turned his attention to working his lover's thighs seeing as they were still firmly wrapped about his waist. A moment later, though, Alexander swatted Hephaestion's hands away, glaring at the auburn-haired man in annoyance.

"Do you have some sort of exhibitionist streak or something that you never told me about?" the king demanded of his lover.

"Oh, come on, Alexander! It's not like they can see us!" Hephaestion cried out. "They're down there on earth, while we're here in the Elysian Fields. The whole of Hades is between us even!"

"I don't care! I can still hear them!" Alexander shot back.

"That never stopped you before when we were in the middle of an army camp," the general grumbled as he fell back on their bed. Despite his growing anger and annoyance over the situation, the throb in Hephaestion's groin still remained and was growing painful as the minutes passed.

"I never had worshippers while we were in the middle of an army camp," Alexander glared down at his beloved general before untangling himself from the man and leaving the bed. Hephaestion pouted pathetically as he watched his king slip out the door to their private hunting camp-style shack.

Swinging his legs off the opposite side of the bed, Hephaestion took a few moments to take care of his aching problem and then finally limped around the bed and through the door, intent on following his wayward lover.

Outside under the enchanting light of Elysium's sun, the general found Alexander talking with Ptolemy. Sidling up beside his king, Hephaestion shot an annoyed glance at the man who had become pharaoh of Egypt after Alexander's death. Noting the auburn-haired man's obvious sour mood, Ptolemy couldn't help but give a mischievous grin.

"I suppose you're going to blame your lack of sexual activity on me, Hephaestion?" the older general asked.

"Well you're the one who had him mummified instead of cremated," the auburn-haired man continued to pout. "If Alexander didn't have an actual tomb for people to congregate around, then perhaps they would have been less likely to start up this cult crap."

Ptolemy and Alexander both chuckled at their friend's dejected look. The sounds of amusement at Hephaestion's expense attracted additional and potentially unwanted attention, however. The king's beloved general groaned and hid his face against his lover's neck as Cassander and Cleitus approached the trio.

"I believe I am sensing that all may not be right in this lovely afterlife for our two most honorable and devoted leaders," Cassander teased as he watched Hephaestion peak up at him from overtop Alexander's shoulder.

"Hephaestion's a bit upset, because Alexander won't have sex while his cult followers are at their worship," Ptolemy laughed, earning a betrayed look from the blue-eyed general.

"Well, Hephaestion, let me assure you that I did everything within my power to soil your beloved king's good name while I was ruling over my little part of our demolished empire after his death," Cassander gave a cocky grin. "Although I meant it for my benefit and not yours, I still think I'm owed some small amount of gratitude for my efforts to stop this nonsense that seems to have you so upset at the moment."

Hephaestion grew thoughtful before giving his lover a mischievous smile and stepping away from him.

"You know Cassander, I think you're right. I do owe you some little reward for your good service to me, even if it was unintentional," Hephaestion sauntered up to the one Companion that had shown him the most adversity during their lives and draped his hands gently upon his shoulders. As Cassander grew confused by the other general's actions, the blue-eyed man suddenly pulled the other into a lengthy and forceful kiss.

After finally breaking away, Cassander panted for breath while Hephaestion glanced over his shoulder with a teasing grin for his lover, "You may not wish to enjoy what I have to give you while those fools continue their chanting at your mummified corpse, but I'm sure Cassander has no qualms about engaging in a little play this morning."

Hephaestion looked back at the man who was still panting in his arms. Regaining control of himself, Cassander pulled the blue-eyed general into a second kiss, more than willing to play Hephaestion's little mind games against Alexander. When they broke apart again, the king's lover sent a conspiratorial glance towards Cleitus as well which brought a new grin to Cassander's lips. The two reached out and snagged the bearded man's arms before he could even think to back away, dragging him into their teasing embrace.

"You know, Alexander, I'm also pretty sure that Cleitus wouldn't turn away sex just because a bunch of idealistic idiots started chanting his praises," Hephaestion gave the larger general a coy little smile. "If you won't give me what I want after getting me all worked up, I think he'd be more than willing."

With that said, Hephaestion turned his back on Alexander and began dragging both Cassander and Cleitus towards the little shack with its inviting bed. The golden king stared after them in a daze for a long moment and then suddenly realized what his beloved general had just threatened him with.

"Hey!" Alexander barked in shock and indignation. "Stop! Hephaestion, get back here!"

Ptolemy laughed as he watched his king chase after the trio. Somehow he doubted Alexander would ever let his earthbound worshippers come between him and his beloved Hephaestion again.

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**End A/N: **Well, that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this little diversion and that you'll leave me a review or comment. They're always appreciated, no matter what you have to say.

Thanks for reading! ~ Stony Knight


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